Of Bunnies, Ghosts, and Catnip
by Lord Hekon
Summary: It's Bunny Lord's debut story! In this tale, a 'normal' day goes awry when JFG is visited by two bunnies. Are they friend or foe? Will Scuzzball get his 'motivation' from the GW boys? What's worse, H.K. gets posessed by the ghost of the cargo hold! Oh no!


Of bunnies, ghosts, and catnip.  
By The Hamster King.  
  
Warning: This is Bunny Lord's debut story. Rated-R for insanity, vulgar language, and bad taste.  
  
-JFG Ship   
  
It was a normal day in space. Jet Force Gemini was, as always, being driven to madness by the idiots in the cargo hold.  
  
But not today!!!!  
  
You see, our Heroes, well, hero, was bored. Dino2 and Scuzzball were off somewhere, saying that Scuzzball ran out of "Motivation" and needed to go to Duo....Duo.....well Duo, something. For god's sakes! I'm just the frickin' narrator! Do you expect me to know everything?! Do ya?! Huh? HUH?! But this is all besides the point. Juno took H.K.'s sugar away, so he was just laying on a crate, staring up at the ceiling, asleep.   
  
However, this is getting REALLY fucking boring so we shall go see what Scuzzball and Dino2 are up to eh?  
  
-Random space colony around Earth  
  
Scuzzball was approaching a white house. Smoke was emanating from the bottom of the wooden door. He was in a gray trenchcoat and some shades were atop his fuzzy little head. Dino2 backed out at the last minute to do something else that isn't really relevant to the story right now. Scuzzball then rang the doorbell.  
  
Scuzzball: Hey Duo! You in there?  
Voice (mellow): Huh......? I'm comin' man.   
  
-5 minutes later.....  
  
Voice: I'm comin'........  
  
Scuzzball, not waiting any longer for catnip, kicked the door down. Sure enough, Duo was in there, his braid longer than normal, and Heero, passed out on a couch. Duo's eyes were nearing crimson, as he smoked another joint.   
  
Scuzzball: Hey, Duo. I came for "the goods".   
Duo: Huh.......heheheh.....goods......  
Scuzzball: For cryin' out loud man! Just give me the catnip dumbass!!!  
Duo (backing away):Eh? Whoa, man! It's a talkin' cat, man! (Thinks: Damn, this is some good shit, man!) I'm gettin bad vibes from him, man! He's crampin' my buzz man! MAN, MAN!!!!!! (passes out)  
Scuzzball: Er...okee. I'm gonna get my share and leave. (gets his "motivation" and heads back to the ship, when....)  
Duo (now clean): Oh! Hi Scuzzball! You came for your stuff?  
Scuzzball (thinking): I didn't think it was possible! He smoked himself retarded! (speaking) Oh yeah! I just got it!  
Duo: Alrighty man! Hey Wufei! Wanna play Tony Hawk 234?  
Wufei (from another room): There is no honor in that!  
Duo: Oh, shut the fuck up and grab the damn controller!  
Wufei: Never! It is evil!!!!! ABSOLUTELY NO HONOR!!!!  
Duo: Oh well. Trowa, what say you?  
Trowa (sitting on a chair): .........  
Duo: Sweet! What else?  
Trowa: ......  
Duo: Ohhhhhh........so THAT'S the meaning of life. Ok, I'm gonna kick your ass again!  
Trowa: .........  
Duo: That was uncalled for!  
Scuzzball: Um.....later! (runs out of the door.)  
  
Outside........  
  
Scuzzball bumps into Dino2, who is holding a bag of sugar cubes.  
  
Scuzzball: Where have you been?  
Dino2: I was helping out Catra (Note: Is that how you spell it?) around his house. He gave me these. *Holds up bag.*  
Scuzzball: Ok. Who cares. Let's just get back to H.K. before he kills himself.   
  
Meanwhile.......   
  
-JFG ship (cargo hold)  
  
H.K. was staring at the ceiling. His eyes were darting back and forth, up and down, everywhere. He then grabbed a piece of the crate and glared at it psychotically.  
  
H.K.: What did you say about the potato people knave?! *drops crate fragment* Oh my.....I goin' nutz. I jus gots ta get outta here!   
  
H.K. then grabbed the door to the hold and started shaking it vigorously, but to no avail.  
  
H.K.: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! AHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!! WeEeEeHeHeHehEhEhEhEhHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!  
  
Apparently, H.K. has now gone psychotic. He then glew a strange color and ran off into the deep nether regions of the cargo hold......   
  
-Later.......  
  
A strange, golden pod was headed toward the JFG ship. It finally skidded into the landing bay. Steam and other gases shot out of the pod as it was opening. Admist the steam,. something came out. Two rabbit demi-humans, like H.K. and the others. One was black and was, well, evil looking with a sword. the other was a white rabbit, with a red cape trailing behind it with a axe on his side.  
  
Black Rabbit: KILL!!!!!!!!  
White Rabbit: *sigh* Shut up.  
Black Rabbit: We must take control of this ship to rule the world!  
White Rabbit: Please! I just gots to play Magic: The Gathering with someone! I haven't played in five centuries!  
Black Rabbit: Sigh, you may be a lord, Rashin, you are still an idiot, sir.  
Bunny Lord: Oh really? And who's the one that ran around in his underwear in the Water Ruin huh?   
Black Rabbit: That would be the Hamster King, sir.  
Bunny Lord: Oh, right. Well who's the OTHER person who did that, eh Rabbot?  
Rabbot: (thinks: Great, this was the only to destroy the Hamster King and his allies, including Jet Force Gemini. Being that I ruined the plot, I'll go.....play horrible music first! Then send everyone to private hells with my crystals of evilness.....ness......ness.) I'm going to explore, and yes, that was me.  
Bunny Lord: Yup! Go ahead. *brings out a deck of cards* Heheh, need to look over my deck! *Walks off into random direction.*  
  
Meanwhile......  
  
Scuzzball's subship, Kitty, was headed back to the landing bay. The white ship slid into the landing bay, and slammed into the gold pod. Scuzzball and Dino2 jumped out of the ship immediately.  
  
Dino2: I'm gonna check on H.K.; he's probably driving himself insane now. *walks off.*  
Scuzzball: Whatever. *notices pod* What the hell?   
  
Scuzzball took a look at the pod. Yup, it was gold, but however, there was an odd plate on it. Various pictographs were on it.  
  
Scuzzball: Wait a minute! These are ancient Bunnyite pictographs! Bunnyites must be here! Lesee what it says. Good thing Scribe Fuzz taught me to read this!  
  
The translation read......  
  
........This highly official vessel is holding the following contents.  
  
One Red Dragon skin cape  
One Moonite Headband  
Eight decks of Magic: The Gathering cards (Eighty cards per deck)  
One Iron Hand Axe  
One Iron Sword  
One experimental Hold Gun  
The exalted Lord of the Bunnyites, Rashin Hoppity (A.K.A. Bunny Lord)  
The Lord's highest ranking bodyguard, Hino Rabbot (A.K.A. Rabbot)  
One apir of highly top secret Destructo Claws, a gift made for the Furry Fighter Tohonio Scuzzball  
  
Scuzzball: Tohonio..... Hey! That's my great great grandpa! I suppose he would want me to have these......highly......destrucive.....devices........of......PURE PAIN!!!!!! YES! YES! World domination here I come!!!!!   
  
Scuzzball then took the silver claws with strange, shimmering cores in the palms. On the left claw there was a tag. Scuzzball then noticed it.  
  
Scuzzball (reading): WARNING! This device is only to be used in times of great need. We don't know why we put this tag on here, as you will probably ignore it and use it to your every whim. Oh well, like we frickin' care. But, these are very delicate weapons, if a Furry Fighter in the Scuzzball family uses this, he will be bestowed great destrucive powers that will only harm evil. You can beat the piss out anyone else with the claws though.   
  
With love,  
  
The Bunnyites  
  
Scuzzball thought that could have been a letter. He shrugged and decided to go into the bridge to annoy various people.  
  
-At that same time in the ship.......  
  
Rabbot was in the sound control room.  
  
Rabbot: What's playing? *Opens CD drive* Hm. Daft Punk. Who cares! *Puts CD in its case and puts a unmentionable CD in the drive* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....cough.....hack......  
  
Rabbot then got his crystal of Evilness.....ness......ness to do not nice things to the JFG crew.  
  
-Bridge  
  
Vela and Lupus were playing a 'friendly' game of poker when all of a sudden.......  
  
Vela: Hey where did ny lucky music go?  
Lupus: I don't know. The CD is probably done and it's gonna start back at the beginning.  
  
But lo, it did not play the pleasant songs by Daft Punk.......  
  
........It played......  
  
.........Brittany Spears!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!  
  
All Vela and Lupus could do was clutch their ears in pain. Juno fell through his cabin door.   
  
Juno: This is the Hamster's doing!!!!!!   
Vela: It is not! He would never do something like this!   
  
Just then, Rabbot came out of the hallway with black fluffy earmuffs on his head. He then threw the crystal at the trio and they were all captured and sent to their private hells.  
  
-Juno's Hell  
  
Juno found himself in a strange, crayon drawn world.  
  
Juno: Oh hell. I hope this isn't what I think this is.  
  
Just then, a horrifying voice rang out  
  
Voice: La la lala, la la lala, Elmo's World!  
  
Juno: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.......  
Elmo: Hey look it's our friend Juno! Give Elmo a hug!  
Juno (horrified): Get the hell away from me!  
Elmo: Juno?  
Juno: What!?  
Elmo: What do you wish for?  
Juno: A gun! A HUGE FUCKING GUN!!!!! ONE SHOT TO KILL YOU!!!! THE OTHER TOO KILL ME!!!!!!! BECAUSE I AM NOW TAINTED WITH GAYNESS!!!!!  
Elmo: You need a hug!  
Juno: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
Elmo: Elmo's holding a BYOV party!  
Juno: Don't you mean BYOB, Bring Your Own Beer?  
Elmo: No silly, a BYOV. Bring your own Vasoline!!!!!  
Juno: W-W-W-W-WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!! *Snatches Elmo's crayon and draws his Tri-Rocket Launcher* Sorry, nay, I'm not sorry! My ass is exit only!!!!!!  
Elmo: Give Elmo a hug!  
Juno: *whimpering* Noooo......  
  
Meanwhile.......  
  
-Vela's Hell   
  
Vela found herself in a cruel, punishing world. A stage! She was in a crowd of screaming pre-teen girls. Then, one of the most horrendus bands came on stage....  
  
Vela: Wait a minute.....is this....?  
  
Vela's suspicions were confirmed, as N*Suck, er, I mean N*Sync came onto the stage.  
  
Vela: Nooooooooo!!!!!!  
  
Being as this is very cruel, let's go back to the ship.  
  
-JFG ship  
  
Lupus felt a little water being splashed on him. He opened his eyes to see a white rabbit, Scuzzball, and Dino2 looming above him.  
  
Lupus: What the? GUYS LOOK OUT!!!!!  
All: Huh?  
  
They all fell to the ground, as they were SMAAAAAAAASHED by a large tuna. When they came to again, they were in a cold, dark room; and they were shackled. Rabbot was laughing maniacally.  
  
Rabbot: YES!!!!! YES!!!!! I WIN I WIN I WIN!!!!!!!! You are all going to be destroyed!!!!!  
Lupus: By what?  
Scuzzball: Once again, confounded canine, we seem to have a failure to SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!!!!  
Rabbot: SILENCE!!!!! You will have to listen to the All your base are belong to us Techno Mix!!!!  
All: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Just then Dino2 started to see the back wall bend a little. It then exploded to reveal.....The Hamster King?  
  
Rabbot: Finally! A challenge! If you beat me, I will free everyone. If you lose, well......HA!  
H.K.: .........  
Scuzzball: H.K.? Izzat H.K.? He's glowing!   
  
Indeed, he was glowing. His eyes had no pupil either. Rabbot then took the opportunity to lunge at H.K. with his sword. However, he stopped in midair.  
  
Rabbot: WHAT!? What happened?  
H.K. *eerie voice*: I AM ZOLOINKAZARO. I HAVE INHABITED THE BODY OF HEKON TO ESCAPE THE FUCKING CARGO HOLD. YOU WILL ALL PERISH, STARTING WITH THE PITCH ONE.   
Dino2: My god........H.K.........  
Lupus: Maybe he wasn't so bad......  
Bunny Lord: What do you have to say Tohonio?  
Scuzzball: WHAT!? I'm not Tohonio! I'm his great, great grandson Lano Scuzzball! I'm shocked to finally here H.K.'s real name!  
All: THAT'S IT!?  
Scuzzball *sweatdrop*: Uh.....heheh.....yeah.  
  
In all of this time, Rabbot faded into nothingness. The possesed hamster then went over to Dino2.  
  
ZOLOINKAZARO: DINO2......PRINCESS LININIA.....YOU ARE NEXT.......  
Dino2: No I'm not!  
ZOLOINKAZARO: HAHAHAHAHA. YES YOU ARE......  
Scuzzball: DUDE!!!!! You're a princess!?  
Dino2: Well......my grandma was.....  
Scuzzball: SO YOU ARE!!!!   
ZOLOINKAZARO: SHUT UP. YOU WILL DIeEeEEeeeeee............010111001010110010101!?  
  
Dino2 was hooking ZOLO to a computer. The apparation soon was downloaded into a disk and was prompty sat on by a beaver. H.K. then went back to normal. Scuzzball then went to the Hamster King.  
  
Scuzzball: Are you okay H.K.?  
H.K.: ....Uh......*looks around* what the hell is goin' on here?  
  
Indeed. Holes were everywhere, friends were in cages, and a beaver was sitting on a disk. It was strange indeed.  
  
Scuzzball: You were posessed by the spirit of the cargo hold.  
H.K.: Again?  
All: O.o  
Bunny Lord: Wait look over there!  
  
The rabbit pointed over to the two quivering masses at the wall. They were none other than Juno and Vela.   
  
Juno & Vela: DIE EVIL THINGS!!!!! DIE!!!!!!  
Bunny Lord: I know whats wrong! They need to listen to better music to heal them.  
Scuzzball: Like Slayer!  
Dino2: *slaps Scuzzball* No dummy, that's what you like.  
H.K.: Just put em' in a room and listen to the good tunes.  
Bunny Lord: Like Ozzy! And Led Zepplin!  
Lupus: Exactly!   
  
And so, with Bunny Lord's debut story finished (and yet another story that made no sense made) our heroes wlak off with Juno and Vela to help them recover. Bet what was the apparation? Is it an omen? Who knows. Who cares?  
  
- Five month later epilogue  
  
Bunny Lord: Tries to fit in with the crowd and is tring to teach the crew to play Magic: The Gathering.  
Scuzzball: Still has no idea what the fuck the cores in his claws are for. Gets blown on Duo's home-grown catnip.  
Hamster King: Is still a freakin' idiot. Nuff said. He's back to normal.  
Dino2: Persuade the masses to investigate the apparation.  
Lupus: Still gets stuck in his computer. In the worst games too!  
Juno: Is currently the proud owner of an anti-Elmo website.  
Vela: Owns a Anti-Boy Band website. Works at nightclubs with her super secret secret synthesizer under the name, D.J. Constellation.  
  
THE END?  
  
Keep on the lookout for my next bitchin' hit. Juno and the Caffeine Madness!!!!!!   
  
  
  



End file.
